Facebook's Siren Call

2009-09-07T18:52:00.000-07:00

by Christopher DeLange

There are legitimate uses of social networking websites such as facebook (facebook's ubiquity makes it synonymous with social networking, and as such, it will be referred to in this essay). Its utility as an address book far surpasses that of the paper kind. Most importantly, facebook makes it easy to keep in contact with friends separated by great distances. Such usage is certainly justified by its utility.

These limited cases aside, use of facebook is a catalyst to debilitation. Facebook panders to and amplifies our fears in regard to interpersonal communication and all types of relationships. A user can send and receive electronic messages to his friends, deriving pleasure from the social interaction. However, this communication is imaginary, the satisfaction virtual. True communication involves exposing yourself, and includes mutual interactions of body language, intonation, and inflection of speech. The actual words used are but a small part of communication.

Hiding behind the wall of facebook, where exposing your body language and mannerisms is unnecessary, lulls you into acceptance of the utter falsehood that meaningful communication may be obtained risk-free. For any benefit, there is always risk. Life is working through the risk, learning and growing from the mistakes suffered when risk wins out. Because facebook provides a false method of communication without risk, you are cutting yourself off from reality, wherein lies opportunity for growth.

Relationships, both platonic and romantic, are a meaningful part of life for nearly all human beings. True relationships of both types can only be gained through true communication. Yet facebook prevents true communication; in using it you may shield all manner of characteristics you possess. In true communication, those you interact with may appraise you with accuracy. But with facebook you manufacture a persona that you would like to project. The projection is hardly the real you, and as such, true communication is again hindered. Facebook prevents true communication from occurring and instead offers morphean analogs, benefits that are of no substance.

Facebook's most damning seduction is the way it facilitates the omnipresent temptation towards narcissism. Wisdom of old taught us that "even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace," but facebook teaches us that our individual lives are supremely important -- inordinately more so than our neighbors'. And if our lives are so very interesting and ought to be known by all, then we must report on all banal details. Our pride tells us that our virtual friends must be following the minute self-reporting of the mundane activities in our lives, and facebook makes it easy to indulge this pride. But this is not the case -- this is not reality. Buying into the illusion that all of our facebook friends are deeply interested in our day-to-day activities greatly amplifies our narcissism, and thoroughly erodes the notion of esteeming our neighbors as ourselves. When you begin to believe excessively in your self-worth, you slowly begin to treat others in relation to your imaginary regal position.

Those who choose pathways of weakness have elicited pity since recorded history; the rabid users of facebook afford no exception. The pain of being alone is the pain that results from an absence of true platonic and romantic human relationships. There is no easy way to remedy this void. Facebook exacerbates the problem by providing imaginary relief while encouraging actions that will never lead to true communication, true relationships, and thus a cure to loneliness, one of the great scourges of modern life. Immoderate use of facebook is highly negative because it makes it so easy to engage in debilitating activities.

Let me end with an exhortation for all of us; criticism without suggestion is dross. Reward follows that which is difficult. If you meet people and sense the potential for true relationships, then engage in activities that will foster true communication, and thus true relationships. It is difficult and there is risk involved, the risk that such an activity might go awry. Again, reward follows working through that which is difficult. Organize a dinner party, invite someone to go on a hike, join a book group; all these activities are difficult to arrange because they present the risk that they will not turn out well. Reward follows working through that which is difficult. Even to strive and fail is better than a perpetual soma-induced illusion.

A Gentle Slope

Facebook's Siren Call